someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
