Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
