i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
