His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
