I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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