Whod you bang
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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