I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
