All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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