I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
