non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
