I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
