Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
