Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
