just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
