Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
