Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
