Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize