It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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