But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
