Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
