Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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