please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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