You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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