Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
