he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
