she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Blood and glitter go together right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
