you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
