I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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