then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
