Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
