I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
