after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
