Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize