I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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