Apparently you make a good broom.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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