Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
two words: eviction party
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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