Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
