kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
