I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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