Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
