His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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