Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
