Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
