so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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