9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
