Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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