you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize