it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
