i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
