Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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