i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
