Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
