I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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