Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
