I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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