Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize