when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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