in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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