My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
