Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
