counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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