He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
