had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
