i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
