i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
