It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
