So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
