Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
