Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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