We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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