how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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