I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize