We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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