i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
