Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
