You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
