This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
