im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
