I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize