Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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