found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
