Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize