you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
