life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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