somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
