you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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