I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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