I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
