pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
