I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
