You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
