I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
