Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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